Plate Licking and Finger Shoveling: Two Tricks to End a Relationship Effortlessly
Several years ago my friend met a great guy. She thought he might be “The One.” He did all the right things to secure her affection and their future together. Everything seemed perfect. Then, it happened. Unexpectedly and without warning, he blew it.
On one particular evening he insisted on a “special dinner.” She figured this might be a significant event as he’d been speaking of marriage. The restaurant was elegant and upscale. To top off their romantic meal he ordered a fancy desert for the two of them. “Here it comes,” she thought, “a ring and the proposal.” Her mind raced with excitement as she thought of their fantastic life together. Upon finishing the last morsel of his desert, he busted his move. He raised the plate to his face and languidly licked the last of its remains.
My friend’s ardor for this man morphed to shock and disgust. In that singular moment every fiber of attraction had been ripped from her body. Though the minutes continued to play forward, her mind was frozen on the visual image that had just caused her dreams to shatter and extinguish her passion.
In the grand scope of relationship deal-breakers, a dining ‘faux pas’ may seem slight. Yet, this small error can greatly affect one’s level of attraction for another. I know. I recently experienced this, myself.
I received a phone call from a business associate I’d met several years ago. I’d never spoken more than 50 words to him in my life, which for a woman is less that one breath. He suggested we have dinner and “talk shop.” Why not? What harm can be done? It’s just one meal, right?
The night of our dinner meeting I struggled desperately to find the other 50 words I needed to urge the time forward as I shifted from topic to topic. Finally, I came to a hard-earned pause born of utter exhaustion.
That was the moment he shoveled pasta onto his fork with his hands. Not once, but several times he repeated this behavior. He then sucked the juices from his fingers with delight. One finger at a time and one shovel at a time, my repulsion grew stronger. This was amplified by the knowledge we had just begun our entrée.
I too felt a jolt of disgust. I didn’t have any broken dreams to lose. I didn’t see my future dashed before my eyes. Yet I felt the horror of the realization that these petty crimes of ill breeding speak volumes about a person.
For those of you in a relationship you seek to end, this is the perfect means to do so. You needn’t go through the torment of “talking about it.” You don’t need to resort to a messy affair. Just use these two tricks to effectively kill-off your partner’s love: lick your plate and shovel food with your fingers.
Use these tools with caution, as there is no turning back. The effect created is final and full proof. You will be “officially single” in a matter of minutes. You needn’t worry about your ex being a crazy stalker. They’ll do everything in their power to never be on the same continent as you.
Knowing you’ll be finally free of this burdensome partner, enjoy your meal! Lick your plate with bravado. Shovel your food with your hands and lick your fingers with enthusiasm. You’ve just learned the secret to eliminating an unwanted affair and have effortlessly conquered what few are able to carry out, with ease.