Are you single? There’s a big secret you need to know. When you learn the truth of this secret your entire life will change for the better.
Why is it that you don’t know this secret? It’s one of perspective. Far too often, single people focus on the fact that they’re “alone.” When in public, they notice all the couples holding hands. At the movies, it seems as though everyone else has a date but them.
Through the lens of this perspective singles often envy their married and coupled friends. They silently wonder, “How did he/she get such a great partner?” Knowing themselves to be worthy and wanting love they ponder the reasons “why isn’t this happening for me?”
After a cycle of dating where no meaningful connections are found, the conversation shifts. Single men begin to wonder if all women are crazy. Single women begin to wonder why men won’t step up to the plate. Unaware of this secret, they become dismayed and discouraged as they focus on the absence of what they want and can’t seem to find.
Life, as seen through the eyes of a “single” is often skewed. It’s not the full picture. Rather, it’s a partial image of what’s really going on that doesn’t capture the totality of the entire movie they’re living.
Here’s the big secret: Being single is a luxury that many partnered individuals silently yearn for. Not every day, but some days. The very thing you think is your misery is another’s secret desire.
It’s the ability to wake up when you like, to listen to the music you like, and to watch the movies you like. It’s the freedom to spend holidays with the people you want, not the families you must. It’s the luxury to go where you want, when you want and with whom you want. No checking in, no negotiating and no compromising.
Why do I know this secret? Because I’ve lived both lives fully.
In the past, when I was single I longed to be in a relationship. Once in a relationship I longed to be single again. I missed the basic joys of being single; the freedom to focus on my goals and my needs. Partnership is the merging of shared goals and needs. For every gain there’s a price to be paid. Both sides of the coin have their payment. We fail to see this truth until we’re standing on the other side of where we were.
I remember the first time a happily married woman told me how much she “envied my life.” Single then, I thought her comment was odd. She had the type of life single women dream of but rarely attain. Her husband was attractive, witty and wealthy. He loved her as she loved him. His generosity and position afforded her a lifestyle she could never get on her own.
Avidly devoted to spiritual development, she’d take 10-day meditation retreats several times a year. She got weekly massages, took courses for her personal development and traveled the world in five-star accommodations. She didn’t need to work. Her home, and all desires were happily paid for. All of this was due to her marriage.
Yet, she envied me. For all the reasons I’ve listed above.
Relationships can be wonderfully rewarding. It’s a fantastic feeling to know that someone truly loves us and is there to share our victories and challenges. We’re no longer the “odd person” at the dinner table. We don’t need to fret about finding our “plus one” for a formal event. At parties, we’re not standing alone in search of conversation. We always have a date and we always have a lover.
Single people, listen up. Here’s the big secret you need to know. Many couples envy you! Enjoy the time and freedom you have while being single. Each facet of life has its benefits. Make the most of the life you have, right now. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, realize what you do have.
And, remember this. In the moments you’re feeling down about being single, someone in a relationship is wishing they were you.