No matter what your romantic style; long-term relationships, casual sex, or a mixture of both…make sure you’re getting your needs met by speaking your truth.
If you know you only want marriage, say so. If you only feel comfortable in a monogamous relationship with sexual exclusivity, say so. Be direct. You have nothing to lose. A serious partner won’t be put off by this approach.
Knowing what you want and stating your desire has long been held as a “social taboo.” Far too often I hear dating coaches urge their clients to be vague. Smile. Look interested. Listen attentively. “Don’t reveal your cards” is the standard advice for getting what you want. But, this approach can never get you want.
Ignore this insipid advice and speak your truth. Play your hand straight and clean. By not stating what you want and need, you’re drawn into someone else’s idea of connection. If you allow their desire to eclipse yours, you’ll never be satisfied. Nor, will you be happy in a partnership that isn’t in alignment with what you really want.
Is it easier to draw in a lover when you’re a blank slate? Yes. The person to whom you are attracted can paint any picture they chose on the empty canvas of your void intention. Of course, they will like what they create. The question is: do you like the picture they create? Is it representative of whom you want to be and how you see yourself in partnership?
Taking the reins in declaring your intention is powerful in its honesty. It sets the template for what you intend to create, and clears the field of any prospective partners who want less.
Why do we hide our truth? Fear. Fear that someone we’ve just met may not want what we want. In an effort to impress another, we sacrifice our truth and our dream to pretend we like what they like.
In our modern world, there seems to be the ideal that we should just “go with the flow.” That means, no protestation and no personal want. Certainly you can enter a love affair on a pretense. Maybe you will turn it around. But chances are greater that you will not.
Each person has his or her own goal in romance. Some want to play, some want to stay. Knowing your wish and stating it openly is the only way to get what you want. If a partner balks at your stated intension, then you know they’re not someone with whom you should waste your time and emotional energy.
When we are clear and honest, others will respond in like. There is nothing to lose in speaking your truth. Every time you state your intention it becomes more powerful in focus. In time, what you truly desire will indeed come to you. This is the gift you give to yourself; to live the life you want and love in a way that resonates for you.