Lovers and friends will come in and go out of our lives. This is a natural occurrence in the cycle of life. Yet, when the actual experience hits us we find ourselves asking, “Why did this happen? How could they let me down like that? I thought we shared a closeness that would stand the test of time.”
Feelings of loss, betrayal, invalidation and sadness are common to the parting of ways. It takes thinking through (and beyond) this occurrence to get to a state of peace and understanding.
If we’re honest with ourselves, we find we’re rarely surprised. We felt it coming on. We sensed a growing separation. We recognized a shift in our relationship. Perhaps we didn’t want this shift to occur; we weren’t ready, it wasn’t the right time, or it happened under the wrong conditions…
We begin to questions ourselves. We question our judgment. Was it all an illusion? Was anything real?
As humans, we live in a state of constant movement. Moment by moment and day-by-day, we’re accumulating new information and experiences that add to our internal data bank. Each new discovery sends waves of new messages that alter our thinking and behavior.
To ask a human not to allow this process is to stop the flow of evolution. In response, our values and priorities shift. And, with these massive adjustments, it’s only natural that our friendships and love affairs shift in correspondence.
People are aligned when they’re on the same page. Situational relationships such as shared hobbies or work environments unite people who wouldn’t otherwise come into each other’s spheres. These connections are more easily subject to change due to their transient nature. If the foundational elements underlying these alliances aren’t stable enough to weather a new environment, the relationship erodes.
When friends or lovers make their departure from our lives (or we make our departure from their lives), there’s a far greater sense of loss. These were relationships independent of interests or locations, and secured from the heart. Yet, a shift has occurred. Wanted or unwanted, it’s broken our connection.
Rather than lament this ending, we can embrace what was and continue to move forward. For reasons we may never know and information that may never be revealed, we do know this— something foundational has changed and neither person can return to who they were, before.
Understanding the natural cycles of life, we sense the need to move forward. Without regret, and without belaboring the reasons we must accept that whatever was, is now a part of our past. The friendship or love affair we shared added value in its time, and now serves as needed momentum for our next series of augmented connections. It all has a place in the greater architecture of our evolution and expansion.
The directive of life insists upon moving us forward. People will come and go from our lives in response to this natural law. This isn’t to be interpreted as loss, but rather as gain built upon gain. When we’re able to focus our attention on the bigger picture, we can allow ourselves to move in and out of our relationships with grace and elegance. In realizing these people played a pivotal part in our lives, we can release them by knowing their contribution was made in full. As life urges us forward by this shift, we can take heart in knowing that new friends and lovers must now arrive— with increased capacity that mirrors our own advancement.