When a relationship ends, it isn’t the person we mourn. It’s the death of the dream we mourn. It is the loss of the dream that causes our pain and suffering upon the termination of a love affair. Thoughts of “what-could-have-been” haunt us into the late hours of the night as we carve the tale that they were the “One.” And without them by our side, we believe all is lost.
The person we crave created the template from which we saw the realization of a future vision. Beyond our love for the person, the greater love that attends all relationships is the “dream” of what that partnership could create.
The supreme twist on this “story” is that it isn’t about the person. The dream is our real loss. The person was only the conduit to our dream. Whether that dream was one of family, connection, security, adventure or discovery; we now believe all is lost in their leaving.
Romantic partners allow us to experience the sublime out-flow of our own love. In that sense, they are huge. But in the smaller moments between emotional activity and inward silence, it appears as though the loss we feel is about “them.”
Our dreams are continually growing. Each partner brings his or her own components to the mix. With each new involvement our dream expands, as new partners add to the content of the greater image we want. Our dream is in constant amendment and forward movement. It is the gift retained, long after the relationship has ended.
If we can begin to view the comings and goings of lovers in this way of thinking, the sting and torment of loss will subside. We can shift our focus to a new dream; enlarged not by what we lost but by what we are gaining. Love will come again. There will be a new “one” who holds us by their side and ignites a new vision of our future.
Every situation is here to deliver us the bounty of what we desire, and here to release our smaller version of what we once wanted. Life is a continuum of ever-expanding upward desire. Each dream becomes more detailed in-depth and dimension. It is imperative that we embrace the new vision, to release the pain of the past. The wish to grow beyond where we have been is the tool to liberate the suffering of what has been lost. And to remember the truth of our partner; they were our vehicle, not our destination.
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