Which "You" Shows Up on the First Date? | BuzzChomp

Which “You” Shows Up on the First Date?

By on April 28, 2013
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Dating begins with the presentation of “who we are.” Are you showing up as the “real you?” Or, are you presenting a different version of yourself in the hopes of impressing another?

First dates provide an opportunity to create an impression by putting one’s best foot forward. It’s tempting terrain for pretending to be something we’re not. Doing so eventually hurts both parties. In pretending to be something we are not, we fool the other into buying into a product that’s clearly not for sale. We lure them into what we think they want, or who we’d like to be, but are not. There’s no future relationship possible from this context. Only games, falseness and failure.

The extremes to which some people feel compelled to amend their personalities and attitudes to get love, is alarming. When the need to be wanted overtakes the need to be who we are, failure must follow. It’s imperative to honor our selves in order to love another.

For many people, the initial dating process triggers the need for acceptance. It summons a feeling of auditioning for the “role” of future partner. Dating isn’t an audition or a job interview. It’s an opportunity to see if who you are gels with who they are.

Impressing another to seem more interesting to them is the same sword upon which we  fall. We can’t keep up the pretense. More importantly, it takes us off our own course. We begin to play by what we imagine to be their desired rules. In that choice, we lose our truth and ourselves.

Dating for success requires self-honesty and the knowledge of what we want to achieve in a partnership. Without these two things clearly known, we’re at the mercy of our partner. We will be seduced into a type of connection that they want and they design, for their own needs. And, we must continue our “role,” as expected.

It’s mandatory that we come from our own truth and not be afraid to show our true personality and attitudes. If it’s a mate we want, we must be who we are to uncover that connection. There’s no loss if there’s no click, or it doesn’t work out.

Each date is a numbers game that defines more clearly what we desire in partnership. Each date brings us closer to materializing true romantic happiness when we stay the course of our truth and authenticity. Showing our true selves is the magnet that will attract the best choice of partner for ongoing growth and happiness. Be brave. Be real. Who you are, is more powerful than any “role” you could pretend to play.

About Susan Winter

As seen on OPRAH, best-selling author/relationship expert Susan Winter ("Older Women/Younger Men" and "Allowing Magnificence") specializes in evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. Susan writes, speaks and coaches on today's innovative life choices and advanced thought systems. Media credits include: THE TODAY SHOW, ABC/CBS/NBC EVENING NEWS, VH1, CNN, MSNBC, COSMO MAGAZINE, HARPER'S BAZAAR, GOOD HOUSEKEEPING, PEOPLE MAGAZINE, THE NEW YORK TIMES, LONDON TIMES, LOS ANGELES TIMES, CHICAGO TRIBUNE and NEW YORK MAGAZINE. www.susanwinter.net

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