Escape from the Friend zone

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Gentleman (and a few ladies); how many times have you heard the phrase “I like you as a friend” from that special someone you want so badly?

More importantly, does the following image register on your “I’ve been there” level of shame?

 

 

If the answer is “I don’t recall, its been too many times,” then you have entered a parallel dimension known as the Friend zone.

No one wants to be friend zoned, but it happens. It’s just a fact that most people (men) will at some time in their life enter this purgatory filled with watching Magic Mike and listening to her talk about how much her douche bag of a boyfriend sucks. Have you ever had to talk on the phone for an hour and a half about how she wishes she could find a guy just like you, but not you? My sympathies. Escaping the friend zone is hard, but don’t worry. It’s very possible to do with my simple three-step process.

 

1) Get Better Looking

I don’t mean gym it up and go look like an extra from the Jersey Shore, but there is a good chance if the woman of your dreams is Helen of Troy, that you better resemble Paris in some form or another. This can occur naturally (not to brag, but I am WAY more attractive than I was five years ago – not model worthy, but a vast improvement from what I was) or through hard work. Get rid of that acne and do some push ups.

Studies have shown that even though women love abs (as a straight guy I love looking at well-defined male stomachs – I just appreciate art when I see it), they will instinctively fawn over the man who is shaped like a martini glass. I don’t mean massive arms, just muscular arms, broad shoulders and a well-defined waist line. Picture the torso of someone who would hunt a mastodon and bring it back to the cave. That type of upper body. It’s not my opinion, it’s science. Hold on, any excuse to use this meme must be taken.

 

 

2) Improve Your Game

You’re a sweet guy, a nice guy. You’ll listen to anyone talk about anything and demonstrate manors that are unseen in today’s world of selfies and KCCO (I had to look that last one up by the way). So why don’t you ever utilize the plus one at weddings (read no one will go with you)? You’re too nice and do not have an edge to yourself. Women don’t love assholes per say, they just adore the qualities an asshole has. Good looks, confidence, creativity, charisma, high energy and good social skills are all qualities that assholes typically possess and women find the most attractive.

Studies have also shown that bad boys never want to settle down, so women end up chasing them. Women, deny this all you want, but you and I both know it’s true. I’m not insinuating that should you call a woman a ‘insert derogatory term here‘, just have a slight edge to yourself and be confident and funny about it. This may sound childish, but next time you and your friend are at a bar, try to pick up a girl there. If you do, it will prove you have qualities that women want and the lady who sentenced you to purgatory will question your citizenship in the friend zone. For the guys who are too scared to approach a girl at a bar, I ask why? Worst case scenario, she says no and you move on with your life. Even Ted Williams struck out once in awhile. For those who have no idea who that is, it’s worth a Google.

 

3) Do NOT Change Who You Are

This is the step most men mess up on. They take step #2 way to far and become a shitty person. Instead of being the guy every woman wants to be around, she suddenly wants no part of you and your crappy personality. What’s left are the numerous ladies with low self-esteem and daddy issues. Feel free to pick them up at the bar. Chances are the woman who friend zoned you wanted to be your friend because she enjoyed your personality. You just didn’t have those other qualities she wanted in a potential mate. In time she will bring it up to you.

How do I know this works? I am a former resident of Friendzonia. I still treat women like the princesses they are, I am just more confident, funnier and better looking about it.

Now, if you have done all of the following and she still isn’t interested, tough break. It happens. I suggest you move on. With the killer qualities you now possess you’re sure to woo whomever you set your sights on. Go get em tiger.

 

[Credit Bubble News for the ‘Black love heart logo’ image. Thanks!]