Your Weekly Water: Ralph's Purified Drinking Water - BuzzChomp - BuzzChomp

Your Weekly Water: Ralph’s Purified Drinking Water

By on November 19, 2012
Water

On my quest to provide all the BuzzChomp regulars the best in every aspect of life, I’ve decided to review and find the best bottled water available in North America. Its pretty well known and agreed upon that you should drink eight glasses of water a day, but in this modern day society, most people don’t drink water out of a glass, they drink out of a plastic bottle. It’s about time somebody updated the science of water consumption and since all the scientists are busy with climate change and kale recipes, I will humbly and valiantly take on the challenge. It is important to note that I will take everything about each brand of bottled water into account, including but not limited to the following: taste of water both warm and cold, aftertaste, hydration efficiency, bottle appearance and feel, label, screwability of cap, to go capability, and handling.

In this first installment, I am reviewing Ralph’s purified drinking water in the standard 16.9 fluid ounce plastic bottle. The first thing that strikes me about it is the sleek bottle design. Ralph’s has found a no frills design that gets right down to business. It’s generally smaller and lighter than most other bottled water which is what I like to call a double edged sword. The lightweight design makes it very maneuverable and portable but also causes easy breakage, leading to spillage, ultimately resulting in shirt stainage.  The cap is also thin with only a couple of rivets making screwability an issue if you have fat fingers. So when drinking Ralph’s bottled water, you have got to be careful not to drop it, which leads me to a very important rule of bottled water handling: cold hands.

We all get cold hands when dealing with a refreshingly chilled bottle of water. Currently, the best technology to remedy cold hands is the bottle’s label. A good thick label made of a high grade plastic will shield your hands from all that refrigerated watery goodness, but a thin flimsy label with a weak adhesive will leave you with a severe case of cold hands. Unfortunately, Ralph’s bottled water falls into the latter category, as I’ve rarely gotten through all 16.9 ounces without the label clumsily dangling from the bottle like a first time mountain climber on Mt. McKinley. This leaves me with cold hands, upping the chances of a drop which will almost certainly result in immense damage to the structural integrity of the bottle.

But it’s not all storm clouds and sourpuss for Ralph’s bottled water, as the water itself holds up pretty well. Warm, the water is tolerable and hydrates sufficiently although that warm wateryness lingers on the tongue longer than one would expect or want. Cold, it goes down smoothly and refreshes on a hot or warm day. Beware though, as winter approaches and temperatures drop, cold water may refresh but will also make your internal body temperature drop to possibly somewhere.

Overall, Ralph’s bottled water is a good choice to enjoy at home. It’s portability isn’t great and it will almost certainly give you cold hands. I found myself having a great time sitting on the couch with a chilled bottle and looking at one of the walls in my apartment.

Ralph’s bottled water

Rating: 6

Snack to accompany: saltines

Movie to accompany: Madea Goes to Jail

About Matt Harris

Matt Harris is a writer/actor/comedian living in the Los Angeles area. He is very funny and good looking. Also, he is currently looking for work. Help him.

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